I did it

So I finally caved in and bought two pretty, light-weight dresses from Meijers. Both are extra large (I am such a fatty *SOB*) and black and white patterned. I LOVE 'EM!

I just wish I could wear them now, not in a few months...or even years. Yikes!

I just want to be who I am! Why can't I do that! ... Oh yeah, it's because I don't want to lose all my Christian friends and my family too. That, plus risk going against God and not bringing Him glory through my testimony anymore. What should I do? Be myself and find happiness, or be a man and "rub some dirt on it" and NOT be myself 'cause God might send me to Hell?

I am officially finding a therapist and figuring out my gender issue! I am tired of my feeling of despair and hopelessness.

If anyone reads this, just give me your story and maybe it will help me.

Thanks.

P.S. I am looking for latex leggings, or some falsies (false latex leggings). Any idea wear to shop?

Wal-Mart Hell

Okay, so we all have our dislikes about the greatest damn "mega" store in America, but my dislike is the fact that every time I go in there, I see a variety of make-ups and clothing that makes me want to buy EVERYTHING in the store!

I wish it were not so hard for me to go in there and just buy some hot dogs...I always end up looking for something cute to match my other clothes, or that one lipgloss to make me feel oh so feminine and complete.

Damn that store! I haven't begun my official transitioning into who I am inside yet, so buying all that stuff is wrong, right? I mean, I am just wasting my money, right?

Anyhoo, sorry to get all bitchy with ya'll. I don't even know if people even check up on my blog anymore. Oh well.

Take care now. (12:37 a.m. - July 10)

Summer Camp

So...here I am...at Camp Mel Trotter, located in wonderfully small and country - Hopkins, Michigan.

It's Christian, so there are some different rules to follow than in other camps, but over-all, just getting paid (hardly) to have fun with kids all Summer long. Who can complain about that?

So, there isn't much to say about my trans issue. Aren't you people getting sick of finding the same 'ol blogs on the damn subject? *SIGH* Oh well... ya'll can get your transgender issues somewhere else, because right now, I just want to give an update of what I have been doing.

Well, obviously I am at camp, but I graduated college too. No more Bible college!!

Second, I am still very annoyed that I have a male body and character. Not a lot I can do about it, unless I come out completely and just get on with my silly 'ol transitioning by moving somewhere where I can get a fresh, TOLERABLE start.

Last, I have lost 12 pounds since March. Not the biggest news since MJ's death, but definitely an awesome thing for me. There seems to be this diet I saw online (link? I have no idea where I saw it) that can get you to lose muscle and gain fat. Well, I twerked it some, and I think I can lose muscle AND fat, but I need to be careful. Can't move too fast.

Well, that's it folks. Besides fighting a cold and trying to resist the urge to wear my womens tight-fitting bike shorts to the beach (which may be a fashion no-no, but what the hell, right?), I am just chilling and rolling with the punches.

Much love to ya ladies and gents.

Princess Daisy

I want to be Princess Daisy!

She is the best princess there ever was...well, cartoon anyway!

I read her information on MarioWiki (ha) and learned all about her history.

She's a princess of her own kingdom called Sarasaland. She has abilities and powers
that come from flowers.

She is a tomboy, but still dresses like a princess should.

She can be very competitive, but just for the fun of it, not for aggressive reasons.

She is more bold than Princess Peach and prefers to fight her own battles, if she can.

I love her! I wish I could find a dress that PERFECTLY matches hers, with crown, makeup and hair too!

I would love to go out to a party as Princess Daisy! That would be a hoot!

I am not sure where to find a costume for this character. Might have to sew my own.

Still, I think she is the cartoon version of my "fem" self.

Yes, I am a bit weird. hahahaha Daisy Rules!!!

Richard Gazowsky film

Dude...I wish I could be involved. This guy has big goals, and he is going to need more than money and passion. He is going to need actors and actresses to pull off his epic movie ideas. With Jesus Christ behind him, he can make these movies happen!

If only there was a way for me to contact him and learn more...

Say! Hiya, folks! How's my peeps? lol

I am up all night, worshipping GOD and trying to write a paper due today. hahaha

So far, I have 1/8 of a page, out of 3 pages, done. Geez, I don't think I would be able to survive further schooling! I am done with Grace Bible College in May! Yes!

I will graduate with my Associates in Arts (whatever THAT means!) and then work at a summer camp for inner-city youth. After that, I am going to be president of the United States...which means I don't have a clue. ^_^ I will just keep trusting in Jesus to meet my needs and light my path in His will. Who knows where that will lead. If I had known I would graduate from a private, Christian Bible college a few years ago, I would have laughed at myself and gotten drunk over it. Drunk? Yea, I was a big idiot then. Now I am just a big, some-what "girly" and educated idiot.

So...I bought this shirt from Walmart (online). It is a George shirt. It is black and long-sleeved. A button-up, extra EXTRA large...cuz I am a big fatty-butt.
I love it, but wearing it without an under shirt or garment makes my nipples burn. I really don't know why...might be the fabric irritatiing them...always rubbing.
Oh well. It looks tight, and comes just shy of my waistline. Again, because I am a fat-butt tubby. ha ha

I also want to point out that I am a Christian. I am happy to be a Christian, and I love Jesus! I believe and I hope and pray you do too! There! I said it! :)

By-the-way, I wrote this between 4:30 and 5:00 a.m. not 1 something.

Letter to the Bathroom Crazies

I liked that video of yours. It makes a good, strong point.

Men should not be allowed entrance into a womens bathroom.

Obvious reasons.

But here's the catch: this was about men who no longer behaved, dressed and assumed male roles. This was about transsexuals, not men trying to get free porn.

Most transsexuals go through a hormone replacement routine. This causes all sort of things to happen, one of which is the effect it has on the man's penis.

Estrogen and Anti-androgens will eventually make him placid, and definitely not sexually aroused so easily. There will be no rape, no molestation, no sexual encounters at all for true transsexuals.

It is true that some transsexuals keep their orientation towards women, but if that's the case, then a law should ban gay women! THEY are more dangerous in the realm of sexual assault in a womens bathroom then the transsexuals touching up their faces in the mirrors. They are just as dangerous to sexually corner a "helpless" woman in the bathroom, as any deviant male. Yet alas, not all lesbians are sexual prowlers either. See where this is going?

As for the children...are you implying that men want to hurt them?
I love kids, and I am transgender. I remain a man, though, and fight for our rights where my sisters cannot. In the animal kingdom, most males will eat or kill the young of a female if they are not his. If men are animals, then there should be a law to have us on leashes and kept in the backyard. ...>->
Yet, if men are animals, then women are too. Women are just as capable of evil things as men. I should know.

If a predator wants to sexually attack a woman in a public restroom, he most often doesn't care two-licks about the kids she is with. This is just a fact of criminal investigations.

Also, men who wish harm against women sexually or otherwise will NOT be hindered by the sign on the door that says "Women Only" anyway.

Well, I don't know what else to rant about at the moment, so I am done.

Please understand, I am a Christian too. I know where you are coming from on this matter, but you need to see it for the way it truly is, not through your fears of the possible unknown.

Thanks for even reading this.

Sincerely,

'Rachel'

Hormonal Herbicide and Silly Spirits

So.........I am taking herbal hormonal suppliments again. This stuff is called Evanesce. I heard it is pretty good. We'll see. I read their info on the website.
It isn't like I am going all-out or anything, I just want to get my sanity back a little. Imagine being a man and living like a man, and looking like a man, and just flat-out doing man stuff. Then imagine that you're a woman inside. Like a woman in your head, heart and being, but since you have lived the "MAN" life so long, and made a decent world of friends, family and work around you that being a man isn't that bad anymore, yet...yet you need to be who you are and in doing so invokes a world of shit. So you take female hormones in herbal form, which are not so strong, but they work. You want to be more feminine in your appearance and life, but not kill the "jewels" right away. I'm preaching to the choir. ha ha ha ha

Yea, so okay. You all know what I am talking about. :)

I had a dream last night that was a bit odd. All dreams are a bit odd, I guess, but it had a part that stuck out to me. Besides being lost in New York City, being a dishwasher in my mother's house-restaurant, and getting upset that my friends from a long time ago were trying to steal my car while I went to class and didn't want to be late or absent...the part was about avoiding the elevator in some apartment building at certain times because something evil lived beneath it and would ghost it's way up and down the shaft, possessing people!

Well, I mentioned to a buddy in my dream that "wouldn't it be swell if there was a movie about ghosts possessing people and doing things with their lives to improve them? When the person's life is much better, the ghost leaves the body and then the person wakes up and is astonished at what has happened and doesn't know how they got there? Well, what if one of the ghosts on crew was a screw up with a big heart? This ghost would get assigned a person and then think that it is helping to make their life better, but in reality, it would be messing it up more or making it weirder!" The dream friend thought it was a cool idea. ha ha ha