I did it

So I finally caved in and bought two pretty, light-weight dresses from Meijers. Both are extra large (I am such a fatty *SOB*) and black and white patterned. I LOVE 'EM!

I just wish I could wear them now, not in a few months...or even years. Yikes!

I just want to be who I am! Why can't I do that! ... Oh yeah, it's because I don't want to lose all my Christian friends and my family too. That, plus risk going against God and not bringing Him glory through my testimony anymore. What should I do? Be myself and find happiness, or be a man and "rub some dirt on it" and NOT be myself 'cause God might send me to Hell?

I am officially finding a therapist and figuring out my gender issue! I am tired of my feeling of despair and hopelessness.

If anyone reads this, just give me your story and maybe it will help me.

Thanks.

P.S. I am looking for latex leggings, or some falsies (false latex leggings). Any idea wear to shop?

Wal-Mart Hell

Okay, so we all have our dislikes about the greatest damn "mega" store in America, but my dislike is the fact that every time I go in there, I see a variety of make-ups and clothing that makes me want to buy EVERYTHING in the store!

I wish it were not so hard for me to go in there and just buy some hot dogs...I always end up looking for something cute to match my other clothes, or that one lipgloss to make me feel oh so feminine and complete.

Damn that store! I haven't begun my official transitioning into who I am inside yet, so buying all that stuff is wrong, right? I mean, I am just wasting my money, right?

Anyhoo, sorry to get all bitchy with ya'll. I don't even know if people even check up on my blog anymore. Oh well.

Take care now. (12:37 a.m. - July 10)