Broken In a Good Way

I was recently listening to Jeremy Riddle's version of "Sweetly Broken". So nice. It hit home for me. I am broken, and not just because I am poop, but also a holy brokeness. God has shown me what needs to be given up...given to Him.

He has, in the last 48 hours, told me more than I knew all semester. Where am I going with this life I've been given? How am I living it? What good am I doing in the world? How will that good be multiplied and save people not only from themselves, but from making the poor decision to send themselves to Hell?

My new motto in life is thus: " Lord, use me or take me home. "

I no longer wish to live for myself. I've been down that road. I have known the utter solitude of my emptiness way too long. I'd drink because I'd think and almost feel like it would be fun and fulfilling...like it would fill that strange emptiness I've felt...and I feel that way almost always. And I have fun! I drink and I feel good...but then I sober up, and it's back to that weird, horrible feeling again. So I used to just ignore it and fill my mind with ideas and beliefs that support the cause of self-fulfillment and personal advancement. I never wanted to feel that scarey, awkward feeling that I was doing something wrong to myself. I kept pursuing those nights of sexual gratification and drunkeness almost to a point of feeling sorry for myself and feeling completely lost. I was a nobody, and I was going nowhere in particular.

If that's ANYTHING close to you, reader, please consider that I may not be totally insane on this whole "religion" thing. I may have found something that used to be the focal point of many drunken nights of mockery and teasing. What is it that I have, that you may not? Denial. No, not that, I'm saying that you just might be doing that again. You are denying yourself the opportunity to break out of that cage of repeating self-torture WITHOUT pleasure. Stop lying to yourself, be open-minded and really give it a shot. Surrender to Christ.

Jesus is not a slave driver. God doesn't force people to love Him, because if He did, YOU'D be His subject as well! He is not a mean God that enjoys zapping people when they do wrong. God does not, when His child, punish you because you failed to live up to His holy expectations. God is love...but God is Just.

I can go on and on. and God knows I want to. If this intrigues you AT ALL, FOR ANY DARN REASON, PLEASE contact me. Ask me some questions. Get angry at me if you want.

I'm done. May God bless you, dear readers, with the Truth that burns deep into hearts and minds, and may He bless you with understanding.