Homosexual Batman Non-Denominational Pancakes

No. I am not homosexual. Did the title of the note grab your curiosity? lol

I "came-out" to the students of Grace Bible College back in December, at a chapel service.

When I aid I struggled with my Gender Identity, that did not mean I was gay. Not so much, no.

What that meant was that I struggled to maintain a socially acceptable level of "manliness".

I hate being a man, and want to be a woman.

This is something that I have had in my heart and mind since I was a child.

I have coped with it as much as possible growing up, turning my "issue" into a sexual fantasy.

Instead of helping me escape transgenderism, it made things even more twisted and difficult.

I have female desires. Not so much sexual, but as a general point of character.

In order to satisfy myself without crossing the boundaries of our so-called Law of Birth Gender...

...I began to cross-dress, and I practiced applying make-up privately. I grew my hair longer and...

...painted my nails. I grew less interested in girls as sexual objects of desire.

I bought fragrances for women and turned my bed into a bed made for a princess.

Now, this had an effect on women in my life too. They saw me not only as a freak to avoid, but as a...

...man who is was taking ground from the "women's front" and claiming it as my own - something...

...a man would naturally do.

It is a fact that all men in the world use and live within "Male Privelage".

By trying to be a girl, and taking it for what I could, I was "being a man being a women". My bad.

Now, I wasn't all-out in my efforts to feminize myself. I still appeared more-so "manly".

I took herbal pills to decrease my testosterone and increase my estrogen for over a year.

Some visible changes in my appearance and attitude could have been seen, if you were looking.

I began taking actual female hormones around January 2008. I used pills mostly, sometimes a patch.

I was terrified of anyone finding out. They would not understand. They would see it as a drug habit.

They would have kicked me out of college and never second-guessed their actions on that.

I was hurting so bad. I really wanted to be who God wanted me to be, but I was so confused.

I had only 3 friends and our kind Dean of Students know about this. One of my friends -

Matt Palfenier - was a close ally to me in this and I treasure him as a close friend for his help.

I gave up hormones in November 0f 2008 for fear of God's Will and for killing my liver.

I developed a bit in the areas a girl would at puberty, and my skin retained some softness for 2 months.

Do I have regrets for doing this? Yes. I don't want to be infertile. I want to be a daddy someday.

How do I feel about all of this? I feel good. I mean, I ventured into territory many of us will never go.

I came out emotionally and spiritually stronger. I learned about genders and their roles in our world.

I know who I am....as a man...and strive to be who God wills me to be.

Having this all behind me has made me a better man. I know things now. Neat little details about girls.

I feel like a man who feels like a woman that wants to be a man for God but secretly wishes to wake...

...up in the morning as a woman. Ah, it never goes away, but from what I have experienced, and...

...from what I have learned, AND with God's help, I can strive forward in life and do His will correctly.

So, here is the conclusion:

1 -I am a man. Always and forever.
2- I do wish I was a woman, not because it would be easier (NO WAY!) but because it is who I am inside.
3- I want to obey the Lord, but am wary of those who use the Word to silence me and keep me down.
4-Transsexualism and being transgendered is not a sin. Not in my book! But the lifestyles and hearts of those who have become men or women by pill and surgery is what matters to God, not their flesh.
5-God made this issue come out of me for a reason. He took something I needed to work on and made it happen. Thank you, Jesus.
6-I really hope I don't lose my jobs anywhere for fear of me as a freak. You know me. I'm not a freak.

THAT'S IT! Comments are encouraged, even if you feel weirded-out! See ya!